| *Life isnt always about waiting for the storm to pass.... |
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Posted on July 05, 2008 @ 11:54 am
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I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down. My heart aches more than it has ached in a long time. I'm so confused and so hurt and so... lost. How do you get over someone that has been a part of you for so long? I met Josh two and a half years ago and was crazy about him for probably just as long. How do you just stop loving someone that you have loved for so long? I just don't get it. It's so hard for. I feel like its all I think about. I wish I could understood how he could just stop loving me. How can it be so easy for him? I gave him everything I had, and it still wasn't enough. How could it not have been enough? I thought he loved me. I feel like such a fool, such an idiot. I feel like it was all a lie and that I was never anything to him. How do you ever get over that? He is fine with it. He is moving on and it doesnt even bother him. How can he get over "us" so fast? How can he move on so quickly?? How can he not even care???? How can I be so stupid....
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| who woulda known LJ still existed?? |
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Posted on September 17, 2007 @ 2:44 pm
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wow, livejournal. who would have known this thing even still existed? i randomly thought of it today and thought id check it out. i enjoyed reading some of my old entries... haha. i can definately see how i have matured some.
so, here i am in my 5th semester at alabama. i still cant believe that! time is flying by. college is going by too fast!! i am in my first block in the college of education, and the projects and work are overwhelming me... but at the same time, i am in love with it. this is definately the major i want to be in! im pretty sure this career was made just for people like me. im in love with it!
its been a year and 8 months since my precious lala left this earth. i try not to think about it too much, because when i do, my heart just aches. honestly, i still cant believe she is gone. it still seems unreal. i miss her beautiful smile and that warming laugh. i have SO much i want to talk to her about. i miss her so much. there is still a hole in my heart from her being gone...
me and josh have been dating for a year! we had our one year anniversary on saturday, and it was perfect. i am so happy with him. if i didnt have him, i would feel so alone. i talk to him about everything, and i am so in love with that boy. i cant wait to see what our future together holds.
besides josh and my sister though, i feel pretty alone. sure, i have friends. but i never see any of them anymore. im pretty sure my "trussville" friends have moved on to a part of life that doesnt involve me. i rarely hear from them anymore... it bothers me a lot. i miss them like crazy, and i hate that we have grown apart. i know its my fault that we have grown so far apart though. i just miss them. i hate change! i hate growing apart from the people who mean the most to me.
anyway, i guess there isnt too much else to write about. i am dealing with something kind of huge right now, so for those of you who actually still use livejournal (which is probably no one) please keep me in your prayers. i dont want to say what this thing is yet, but i need LOTS of prayer. thanks guys!
toodles and love :)
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Posted on February 06, 2007 @ 10:31 pm
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usually i can talk about my mom and be fine.
i can tell stories, laugh, and just remember.
and the whole time, i will be aware of the fact that she is dead.
and other times...
well, this may sound crazy...
but sometimes ill be talking about her...
and it will be like it randomly hits me that shes dead.
it feels like someone has punched me in the stomach or something.
i just feel so... empty.
sometimes im not sure how i get through every day without her.
gosh... i just have this really weird feeling right now.
like i cant believe she is really gone...
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| yay! |
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Posted on January 21, 2007 @ 10:27 am
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mood |
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last semester, i wasnt very happy here in tuscaloosa.
but this weekend, i have had so much fun!
i've met a lot of people and hung out with basically all new people, and i have had so much fun!
yay for making more friends in tuscaloosa. :-)
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| auburn |
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Posted on January 07, 2007 @ 11:52 am
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one week from today will be a year since lala died. gosh... i miss her so much. i hope that i've made her proud this year and that she isnt looking down in disappointment. she was my best friend, and its hard to believe ive been without her for a year...
im in auburn right now and i am for real having so much fun.
i got to spend alot of time with josh and his parents came down yesterday and it was good seeing them
friday night me and josh went to find his classes, and i could tell he was super excited about being here because he stared at the stadium lovingly for awhile... and then when i mentioned the beautiful sunset he of course pointed out that it was orange and blue and started in on "weagle weagle..." crap. but im excited for him cuz i know he is going to love it down here.
i got to go to the auburn basketball game where i saw the whole smith crew and got to support drew.
then i got to hang out with kels and then go to the movies with james drew kels and some other guy.
it was good hanging out with them.
then i got to spend the night with ann marie, which was fun even though we pretty much just slept.
now im about to go eat lunch with kels.
and tonight im gonna beat joshua in some basketball on his basketball court :)
im having a lot of fun in auburn!
but really, im super excited about getting back to ttown... and seeing NIKKI and the smelleys and everyone else that i love there. ive missed that city.
and although when i leave auburn ill be leaving a part of my heart here... ill be returning to the city that i really love. (and ill finally get to leave hell :) )
yay for fun weekend trips though, and im definately excited about the next time i get to come down here!!
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| smiles |
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Posted on September 18, 2006 @ 12:41 am
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sometimes, my life is really hard and it really sucks.
but at other times, it just makes me smile.
today is a smiling day. :)
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Posted on September 11, 2006 @ 8:17 am
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i cant believe how stupid i am....
i wish so badly that i could get in my car, drive to trussville, pull into the maplewood driveway, walk through the front door and back to my moms room, crawl in bed with her, and just hug her and cry.
i need a lala hug today....
how could she leave?
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Posted on May 29, 2006 @ 2:16 pm
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nikki is coming in town in the morning, and im so excited i dont know what to do with myself!!!!!!!
i havent seen her in two and a half weeks.... and im pretty sure im gonna tackle her when i do.
YAY!!!!!
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Posted on May 25, 2006 @ 6:31 pm
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summers in trussville just arent the same as they use to be.
there is nothing to do but lay out by the pool during the day... and do pointless things at night.
if josh and kim werent in town, i think i would have killed myself because of boredom.
i miss the beach.
i miss tuscaloosa.
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| the dreaded ticket |
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Posted on April 07, 2006 @ 1:56 am
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ok... so i finally got the speeding ticket.
i know, everyone is going to say "well its about time."
well, i agree.
it is.
i laughed when it happened, not going to lie.
the cop was really nice about it too.
and cort just laughed.
so yea.
hopefully i learned my lesson though... we'll see.
honestly, today was a really good day.
its days like today that make me smile.
:-)
so if you were one of the people who made today a good day...
thanks. :-D
breakfast with katey lynn tomorrow yaaaay!!!
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| no more spring break :( |
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Posted on March 26, 2006 @ 10:36 pm
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well, spring break is over. which means we have to go back to class tomorrow.
yuck.
but we only have 5 weeks of class, dead week, and then finals.
and then its time for the BEACH! yes!!!
i cant believe my freshmen year is almost over...
anyway, my few days in trussville were good.
i spent some time with my grandmother... we went to lunch and dinner one day.
i think sometimes she just needs someone to talk to about my mom. because she talked about her alot.
which was fine with me, because i like to talk about her.
anyway...
last night me molly josh and david watched wedding crashers. it was so funny! i loved it!!
then we went to waffle house. their chocolate chip waffles are GROSS. i think i almost gagged.
then me and molly spent the night at my house. and we thought someone had broken in and we thought we were gonna die. it was pretty scary.
but we ended up being ok. :)
well, i dont really have anything to say.
yet another pointless entry.
wahoo.
i miss kimmay. i might not see her again until PROM weekend when i come home to help holly get ready.
because of course the weekend i come home for easter, she's coming to tuscaloosa.
of course.
im going to die of seperation anxiety.
yay for spending a weekend in tuscaloosa this weekend. hopefully i'll have something to do! lol...
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Posted on March 11, 2006 @ 1:51 pm
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so, i did it.
i pierced my nose last night.
like 50 million people went with me too.
not really...
but it was kim, holly, katey, molly, jessie, natalie, jessica, kahla, nikki, drew, josh, and i dont even remember who else.
it didnt hurt at all.
kind of crazy, huh?
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Posted on March 08, 2006 @ 5:11 pm
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im pretty sure that spending an entire afternoon on the quad with molly was amazing.
studying...
playing with dogs...
talking...
and laughing?
pretty much the best afternoon ever.
i looooove you molly beth chambers!!! you're the bestest ever :)
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Posted on March 08, 2006 @ 3:52 am
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i can not wait to move into my house for next year.
fire alarms at 3:30 in the morning just dont work for me.
i HATE living in a dorm!!!!!
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| forgiven of my sin, baptised in the water, freed by the holy ghost, washed in the blood of the lamb |
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Posted on March 05, 2006 @ 10:25 pm
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mood |
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middle school d*now was fun.
i really do love middle schoolers.
last night and today have emotionally drained me though.
im just exhausted.
my siblings mean the world to me.
i have alot of things to mend, and thats hard to do when im already hurting this bad.
during hard times you learn who your friends are.
without kimberly paige odom, i would go insane.
i love you kimmay, and thanks for letting me crash with you tonight.
my little brother is having an extremly hard time right now.
he's hurting, he's confused, and i dont think he understands why these kind of things keep happening to him.
so please, pray for him.
he needs it.
im worried about him.
and i would do anything for that kid.
on to not so deep things...
i got a bathing suit tonight.
its black and pink. i think i like it.
a lady at target asked me if i was in middle school.
um, no. im in COLLEGE. thanks.
i mean, it was only because i had a middle school disicple now shirt on.
but honestly, do i look like a middle schooler?
anyway, im still in trussville crashing at kims place tonight.
i have a test at 12 tomorrow in tuscaloosa, so i'll be heading back bright and early.
and im exhasuted, physically and mentally.
so, im going to bed.
goodnight.
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Posted on February 22, 2006 @ 6:40 pm
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so... me katey holly and brooke were def. just stuck on the elevator with 11 guys we didnt know.
it was crowded.
and hot.
but we got out ok.
yay!
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Posted on February 21, 2006 @ 11:56 pm
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sometimes, i wonder if my life will ever be normal.
cort pisses me off.
why cant things just be calm.
ahhhhhh i think im going to scream.
but i do love kahla and nikki. they make me laugh and im so glad we've become friends. they are probably two of my top favorite people. they helped make the night not so frustrating.
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| quotes |
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Posted on February 21, 2006 @ 2:09 pm
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for our house next year, we're gonna be painting some cute quotes on some canvases.
im trying to get some quotes together so we can choose which ones we like best.
if anyone has any good ones on life, friends, or anything like that, leave them in a comment!
thanks :-)
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Posted on February 19, 2006 @ 10:54 pm
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me and molly ordered pizza at 8:30 for dinner.
its 11:00.
and its still not here.
boo to dominos pizza in tuscaloosa.
at least we're getting it for free now.
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Posted on February 19, 2006 @ 8:43 pm
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i just ate a piece of candy that i thought was gonna be chocolate.
i dont know what it was.
but it was disgusting.
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